I speak with so many women who are more worried about what someone else thinks of them rather than what they do.

I think this is very sad

And I ask them why do you care what someone else thinks of you or how you live your life?

I mean, think about it. Why would you want to give someone else that much power over your life?

When you put it like that, it seems crazy doesn't it.

Yet we all do it to some extent. We do it because we are historically programmed to seek approval from our pack. If we didn't fit in, we would struggle to find food or enjoy the protection of our community. But we are not prehistoric mankind anymore.

We can buy our own food, and we can protect ourselves, so we need to question why, if it's no longer valid, we are still choosing to do it.

Fear is the answer

Fear of being different, fear of being ridiculed ,fear of being abandoned, fear of not being good enough or pretty enough, or clever enough.

So, to drown out the fear, we consume.

We have the nice house, the new car, the expensive holidays, the latest gadget, the trendy clothes but they're all very nice for a while but they never quite satisfy that emptiness that starts to show up time and time again.

So we consume some more, we spend hours on social media so we know the minutia of everyone's lives, we post and wait for the likes to appear to validate our possessions, habits and workstyles. But even here, we are seeking approval because if we say something out of the normal, the keyboard warriors will attack. This constant seesaw of consuming and fear is responsible for the growing mental health issues that the world is facing.

And if you are young and growing up surrounded by this insane pressure to be sanctioned, the chances of you breaking free and realising your full potential are slim. The more you give of yourself, they more they will take.

These people are not faceless

They are your friends, colleagues, family, and peers, and some of them will love you very much, but they have been conditioned to judge and undermine because that is how society has been designed.

The thing is, it's not their approval that we need. It's ours.

The only person that you have to impress is yourself. How to stop worrying about what people think of you When we are authentic and know our worth, what other people think of us is far less important. Obviously, we still want to be liked, but we don't like everyone, so it's a bit unrealistic to expect everyone to like us.

Some people will dislike us because they don't know us, or because to them we seem to have more than them or because we challenge their world view or because they don't like anyone much and that's pretty sad.

The thing is, it's not your job to change their opinion.

• It's your job to be true to yourself.
• It's your job to be the best version of you that you can be.
• It's your job to leave the world a better place than you found it.
• It's your job to be happy and fulfilled, compassionate, and kind and to be better today than you were the day before.

Our ego is a construct that has been formed since birth through watching how others behave and listening to what is said. It then puts us at the centre of all that information and devises a way for us to try and get what we think we want all the time and it really doesn't like it when we don't get what we think we should have.

This results in our behaviour and how we interact with others. We may have been told we are amazing all our lives, and so we have grown up with a sense of self-worth, confidence, and by result resilience.

Or we may have grown up being made to feel that we were never good enough or that good things never happen to people like us or that bad things will happen if we don't behave on a certain way.

This is not true

This is conditioning. It doesn't matter what you look like, where you live, how much stuff you have.

What matters is knowing your strengths so that you can play to them. Identifying your weaknesses so that you can mitigate them, understanding why you make the choices that you make and think the way you do because once you start on the path of self discovery, you will come to understand that you are a spiritual being having a human experience, that by focusing on the way you think, behave and act so that you can challenge and change what is not bringing you success and joy is the only way to make you feel whole and that what other people think of you is their business not yours and you shouldn't interfere in it.

All that energy that was previously wasted on trying to get other people's approval, can now be used to help you grow. When you hear a negative thought in your head, use your energy wisely.

Don't allow it to trigger you and send you on an emotional roller coaster.

Stop, be mindful.

Is any of the thought true?

• Do you actually believe this thought, or can you hear other people saying it ?
• Does this thought make you happy?
• How does it make you act?
• What if you didn't believe this thought?
• How would your life be?

In this way, you can stop being triggered by past thoughts and events and you can start to see a glimpse of the beautiful being behind the conditioning. The real you. The one that has so much to offer this world if you would just let go of the fear and open yourself up to the truth of the potential you carry within.

And each time you go through this process, a little of the fear recedes and a bit more of who you really are becomes apparent and the more you get to know yourself and understand what you are capable of, the less you will need everyone else's approval.

I mean ask yourself, what is the worst thing that can happen if you dye your hair wear the outfit that makes you feel like you, come out, disagree with someone, express yourself?

If you would like to know more about how you can free yourself from fear and be true to yourself, then please get in touch.

Chris.

*Image copyright : Canva Sept 2023

When you are taking a break from your business do you promise yourself that you’ll stay switched off while you’re on holidays? 

✅ Me too. 

Do you schedule your posts, and delete the social media apps from your phone? 

✅ Yeah I do too. 

Turn on the out of office notification? 

✅ Yep, me too. 

But then maybe after a week do you just allow yourself to check one thing? 

🙋‍♀️ Confession time…I did.

Now in my defence. We had returned home from Wexford where I ran around the forest with Síofra looking for the Gruffalo, swam in the sea, ate chips at the arcade, held a bunny at the petting farm… your typical Irish family holiday. 

So bags being unpacked… back home… I jumped on the WiFi, and hit download on the LinkedIn App.

I know, technically I was still on holiday! But I couldn’t help myself!

A message popped up from Ben from DigiMarCon. Inviting me to speak at the Dublin Conference. Being the cynic that I am, I had to check if it was legit, so I googled it and sure enough it was listed as one of the top digital conferences to attend. 

So I said YES. And so on the 4th September only a couple of weeks later I presented my keynote presentation "I'm not Sarah Connor, But Human Nature not BOTs = Content that Converts." to a room full of digital marketers, agencies and tech companies. 

Now that’s the short version of this tale! The part one. Of course, outfits had to be bought, presentations put together, the wonderfulNamrata Vijayakar - Brand Design Specialist designed a new logo for me, rebranded my colour scheme and then I had to practise it all while looking after Síofra and getting everything ready for her new school year!

Not to mention calming my nerves, overcoming my self doubt, and worrying about whether my presentation was good enough but doing it anyway!

Because I have over 50,000 hours of experience in marketing. I’ve pitched to some of the biggest companies in the world. 

So what did I have to be nervous about?!! (But I was!) It’s human nature, I guess. 

So why am I telling you this? 

Well it occurred to me that on the 11th August I didn’t have “Keynote Speaker” in my LinkedIn Headline. I had listed the fact thatI will help you Land More Clients with Clear Messaging and Content, that I’m a LinkedIn Expert, and that I can help you with your Digital and Social Media Strategy. 

So that means that it was my experience, credibility and authority that drew the organisers of DigiMarCon’s attention to my LinkedIn profile.It helped me get found, known and achieve this opportunity.Which will undoubtedly lead to a growth in my visibility and further success in my business.

So forget the digital part. Does that sound like an opportunity that you’d enjoy?

• Is speaking on someone else’s platform something that you would like to do? 
• To get up on a stage and speak to a room full of potential buyers or people who could refer you and recommend you?

And if you’re thinking yes, then what’s stopping you?

If you have the authority and credibility in your field of expertise, then you could do it. Butyou’ve got to be found first.

Here is what you have to do:

1. Demonstrate your authority in your area of expertise on LinkedIn. Positioning yourself as a thought leader by sharing relevant content both that you create, in the form of articles and posts, and also by sharing relevant third party content with your opinion.

2. Make sure that it is clear in your profile that you are an expert in your field. Put key words relating to the subject that you would like to present on, in your LinkedIn Headline (Title) Share how many years of experience that you have in the field.

3. List the relevant experience that you have from the years of work that you have or the qualifications that you have that demonstrates you are a leading expert.

4. Ensure that you are producing content that is engaging and shows that you can speak to your subject matter. Share videos. Be open to featuring on podcasts, LinkedIn Live interviews or LinkedIn Audio Events.

If today you’re thinking that you’re not sure that it would be strong enough to attract the right people to get you in the right rooms then that’s ok. Because if you have the expertise, the credibility, the authority then everything else can be created, step by step.

Just like meyou can be found, know and attract clients and opportunities that will grow your visibility and your business on LinkedIn. Just like I have.

Now can we be real? I can’t show you how to do that in a live video or a blog post or even a MasterClass.

It’s something that I’m going to help 20 people achieve in my next 16 week group program, LinkedIn to Leads, that launches, end of September. 

Together, we’re going tocreate a 5 Star Profile. Tobuild a network of connections who love your content. ANDprepare for your next Discovery Callsso that you can sign the clients you deserve that will grow your business.

So if that’s something that you’d be interested in then email me elaine@elainewalshmcgrath.com 

You deserve to be discovered on LinkedIn to build the business that you want.

P.S. If you want a head start on how to start improving how you use LinkedIn to grow your business, thenjoin me at the upcoming webinar How to Sell on LinkedIn without the Ick on the 19th September 2023 at 1pm. (There will be a replay available after that date)

Here’s the link to learn more about what I'm going to talk about in the Masterclass:

How-to-Sell-on-LinkedIn-Without-the-Ick-September

Have you ever wondered where your belief and behaviours have come from?

We do the things we do for a reason and if we can understand why, we can then look at how we’re going to change them if they’re not helping us anymore.

Let’s start by looking at how we form our beliefs which then lead to behaviours.

Have you ever seen the Pixar movie, Inside Out? It is a great movie for both kids and adults alike, and it beautifully shows you how beliefs and behaviours are created and why we respond to the ways we do to certain things.

Research has shown us that in the first seven years of a child’s life, a whole chunk of core beliefs and behaviours are formed. Those early years are extremely formative, because we are little sponges that are taking in all the things that are going on all around us from people that we care about, and those people that are in a position of influence – our parents, caregivers, guardians, grandparents, older siblings, teachers, family, friends, group leaders etc etc.

We look up to them both physically and metaphorically as children, and we’re continuously noticing and absorbing behaviours of those around us and the way that those people are functioning in the world. This is more commonly known as conditioning.

I want you to just think for a moment of a belief that you hold strongly, a belief that could be either working for you or it could be really unhelpful for you in your life, and you’ll know that this is a strongly held belief because when somebody does something to question or compromise that belief, you’ll resist, and you will stand firm.

In some cases, you may find it very difficult to see a world without that belief in it and maybe can’t even understand why everybody doesn’t believe what you believe.

“Why does everyone feel this way?

Surely everyone should feel the same way about this?”

Let me share a personal example with you.

Timekeeping.

I was taught from a very early age that being late to something is completely unacceptable, and that it’s hugely disrespectful. So, when I would find myself late for reasons out of my control, I hate it!

For those of you that share the same belief, imagine you are stuck in traffic, you are supposed to be somewhere and you aren’t going to get there in time; you may notice that you have this horrible, uncomfortable feeling in your body that goes into your mind, even though it was unavoidable and it wasn’t your fault. It’s going to feel very uncomfortable.

My dad ground this into me and my siblings. You just don’t be late. In fact, we are the family that gets to the airport four hours early just in case something unavoidable comes along.

Just in case.

Now, this belief personally doesn’t affect my life in a negative way. I am happy to live this way. It’s something I can’t ever see me wanting to change. I also know that if I’m with somebody that is notorious at being late, I have to work on my own dialogue because that’s their story, not mine.

My husband’s family aren’t the best timekeepers in comparison to mine, and I’ve had to work on not taking it personally, because that noise in my head saying “It’s disrespectful if you show up late” is mine, so I rarely get offended, because it’s nothing to do with me. It’s a difference of beliefs and behaviours.

Beliefs are not set in stone.

They aren’t fact, and you’re not born with them. The only thing that we are born with as human beings is the fear of being on our own. A belief is simply a repeated statement or behaviour that we’ve witnessed and heard over a regular and reoccurring period of time, to the point that we form that belief as our own.

We didn’t make a conscious decision to do it. It was an unconscious choice, and when we know this, we can become aware of the beliefs that are holding us back and why they’re preventing us from achieving our goals.

Knowledge is power.

If we unconsciously adopted these beliefs, we absolutely can un-adopt them if we decide that they’re not helping us and holding us back. Think about the beliefs that you have in your life that are currently holding you back and start to ponder on the origin of them, where do you think they came from?

Whose voice do you hear in your head when you are holding firm on one of your beliefs?

The good news is we don’t have to be aware of where they originated from. We don’t have to know where or why you behave in a certain way to create change.

Once you recognize that these beliefs and behaviours aren’t serving you any longer or helping you to move forward in your life in a way that you desire, you can create the changes you want to see in your life.

I want you to start by getting curious as to how your life would look if you believed things to be different or behaved in a different way.

If you change that pattern of behaviour, what would it look like? How would life be better for you? How could life look different for you if you changed your beliefs and behaved in different ways?

I will be going deeper into this subject as well as other subjects, on my upcoming one day workshop 'Pause & Reconnect' in Chelmsford, Essex on Tuesday 26th September and in Bishops Stortford, Herts 10th October.

For more information follow the links below:

Chelmsford - https://subscribepage.io/pauseandreconnectoneday

Bishops Stortford - https://subscribepage.io/7CkFhn

Have a great day, Steph x

Autumn can be a tricky time to dress for, then add on top of that an occasion such as a wedding and you may be baffled for what to wear.

In the UK, Autumn tends to be drizzly and cool – so being prepared for these weather changes is essential for your outfit.

In this blog, I’ll be sharing some top tips on how to dress for an autumnal wedding so you still feel appropriately dressed for the special occasion, even if the weather decides to change on you!

Select a warm layer

Layering is all important at this time of year. You’ll want to have a small additional layer to pop into your handbag, hotel room or car for the late afternoon/evening. Something like a bolero, pashmina, or blazer can be excellent solutions.

A pashmina works over dresses, jumpsuits and suits, and can be a boho-chic option, while a bolero is a more formal option. A blazer is an excellent solution for your two piece outfit, and you could go all out and wear a formal suit for the wedding, or why not play with different colours to make a statement?

Another option to keep yourself warm during an autumnal wedding, particularly if you are in older venue without heating (or when the fire isn’t lit) or if you are at an outdoor wedding, is to look for hosiery. A thicker dernier pair of tights can go a long way to keeping warm, without deterring from the elegance of your outfit.

Sleeve length

While during the spring and summer you may be wearing sleeveless or short sleeved garments, an autumn wedding may call for a longer sleeve. A ¾ length sleeve is a great option for this time of year and can be excellent for highlighting your waist. Look for a length of sleeve that stops right at the smaller part of your waist so it brings the eye in.

A full length sleeve is another option, and can be perfect for outdoor weddings where you know it will get a little chilly.

For an elegant look, why not try a dress with a cape attachment? This covers the shoulders, and adds an additional layer for warmth.

Play with suiting

Suits are becoming more and more fashionable, and are a beautiful choice for an autumnal wedding. Look for autumnal colours to really pop for the season, and match with a warm, elegant shirt underneath. To really play with the suiting element, you could mix and match your blazer and trousers, and add accessories to make the look more feminine such as jewellery, heels and your bag.

I wrote an article all about how to style a suit, for more inspiration, should you want to try a suit.

Try a jumpsuit

A jumpsuit is an effective option for this cooler weather as it keeps your legs covered, while looking formal and fun. Depending on the colour, pattern and style, you can dress up or dress down the jumpsuit to match the wedding.

Look out for the right shape for your body shape to elevate your confidence. Some jumpsuits can have a shorter torso or gusset area, so I always recommend trying your jumpsuit on at the shop.

One of the most important things about dressing for a special occasion is to feel confident and align with the dresscode. If you’re unsure on what to wear, speak with the couple or fellow attendees to gauge what level of styling will suit best. If it is a black tie or more casual affair, this will help inspire you for the outfit. 

If you’re heading to an autumnal wedding soon, and just don’t know what to wear, I can help with my personal shopping service.   

You've meticulously researched, planned every detail, and eagerly awaited your upcoming adventure. The 'out of office' sign is up, the packing ordeal is behind you, and you've finally arrived at your holiday destination.

And out of the blue, an overwhelming wave of exhaustion crashes over you.

Sound familiar?

Welcome to the enigmatic world of Holiday Fatigue – where relaxation and weariness seem to intertwine in the most unexpected ways. Let's delve into this phenomenon and uncover strategies to reignite your energy levels to maximise your holiday enjoyment.

🌴 Release and Renewal:

For so long, you've been multitasking, juggling all your responsibilities, keeping those balls in the air. As you step into your well-deserved break, the chance to put those balls aside emerges.

Your body seizes this opportunity to unwind, releasing stored-up stress. The intriguing result? A curious surge of fatigue that forces you to stop.

⚡ The Adrenaline Shift:

Your body has been a powerhouse, fueled by adrenaline to conquer life's challenges. But then, the holiday rhythm arrives, and as the adrenaline gradually reduces, relaxation sets in which results in unexpected fatigue. This might just be your body's way of urging you to finally catch up on that much-needed rest. 🛫 Changes in Routine: Traveling disrupts your regular routine – from sleep patterns to meal times.

Your body's internal clock (circadian rhythm) can get thrown off balance, leading to fatigue as your body adjusts to the new schedule.

🌍 Change in Environment:

While holidays are meant to be enjoyable, being in a new environment can also be mentally draining as you navigate unfamiliar surroundings and make decisions about what to do and where to go. So how to help yourself so you don't feel like you are losing precious holiday time feeling like a zombie? Here are some suggested strategies to handle this …

Adapt the itinerary:

Balance sightseeing and activities with time to rest and recharge. Try to avoid over-scheduling which can end up being more stressful and take away from some of the enjoyment. Time Zone Awareness: If traveling across time zones, plan an easy and less demanding schedule for the first day to acclimatise. Scheduled Breaks: Incorporate short breaks during outings. Find a quiet spot to sit, close your eyes, and recharge.

Post-Holiday Buffer:

Plan a buffer day before returning to work. This provides extra time to unwind and transition gradually back to your routine. Remember, the goal is to create a holiday that rejuvenates rather than exhausts. By proactively adapting your plans to accommodate holiday fatigue, you can ensure a more revitalising and fulfilling travel experience. Tell me in the comments how you will be incorporating downtime into your summer plans.