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Posted By Kate Munden, Integrative Psychologist,
27 January 2025
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Recognising Coercive Control and Its Impact on Women
In recent years, awareness of coercive control has grown, yet many still struggle to identify its insidious presence in their lives or workplaces. The statistics are sobering. In England and Wales (excluding Devon and Cornwall), police recorded 43,774 incidents of coercive control in the year ending March 2023. This represents a steady increase from 41,626 cases in 2022 and 33,954 in 2021 (ONS, 2023a).
While coercive control is often discussed in the context of intimate relationships, its effects can ripple into every aspect of a victim’s life, including their career and business. The psychological impact of coercive control often mirrors post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), leaving victims grappling with confusion, isolation, helplessness, exhaustion, and entrapment.
What is Coercive Control?
Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour used to dominate and degrade. Unlike physical abuse, which may leave visible marks, coercive control works invisibly—eroding self-esteem, independence, and a sense of safety. The behaviours can include:
• Isolation from friends, family, and support networks.
• Monitoring or controlling communication and finances.
• Using threats, humiliation, or manipulation to instil fear.
• Depriving victims of basic freedoms or autonomy.
The overwhelming majority of perpetrators are men, with 97.7% of convictions in 2023 involving male offenders (ONS, 2023b). Although men can be victims too, studies consistently show that women are disproportionately affected, particularly in cases involving intimate partner violence.
The Emotional Toll: Parallels to PTSD
Coercive control doesn’t just create immediate distress; it leaves victims carrying the psychological scars long after the abuse has ended. Here are some of the common emotional experiences victims face and how they parallel PTSD:
Confusion: Unsure if you’re overreacting or imagining the abuse
Gaslighting—a hallmark of coercive control—leaves victims questioning their reality. You might find yourself replaying conversations or events, wondering if you’ve misunderstood or overreacted. This mirrors the intrusive thoughts often experienced by those with PTSD, where a fog of self-doubt and confusion clouds judgment and erodes confidence.
Isolation: Cut off from friends, family, and support networks
Isolation is one of the most effective tools of coercive control. By severing connections with loved ones, abusers make it harder for victims to seek help or gain perspective. This mirrors the social withdrawal seen in PTSD, where feelings of shame or fear prevent individuals from maintaining relationships. Over time, the lack of external validation deepens despair, leaving victims feeling unseen and unheard.
Helplessness: Feeling like nothing you do is ever enough
Victims often describe a sense of futility—no matter how hard they try, the abuser’s demands keep shifting. This relentless criticism and moving of goalposts create a dynamic of learned helplessness, similar to what’s observed in PTSD. Over time, this sense of powerlessness drains motivation, leaving victims feeling stuck and unable to escape the cycle.
Exhaustion: Drained from constantly managing their emotions
Living under coercive control often means walking on eggshells, hyper-vigilant to the abuser’s moods or behaviours to avoid conflict. This parallels the hyper-arousal state in PTSD, where individuals are perpetually on edge, scanning for potential threats. The constant emotional labour of trying to maintain peace can leave victims feeling utterly depleted.
Trapped: Feeling there’s no way out without making things worse
Fear of retaliation, financial dependency, or emotional blackmail often keeps victims trapped. This sense of entrapment mirrors the immobilisation seen in PTSD, where individuals feel paralysed by fear and hopelessness. Even when a way out exists, the perceived risks of leaving can feel insurmountable.
Recognising the Signs
It’s crucial to understand that coercive control isn’t always obvious. Abusers often mask their behaviour as care or concern—such as checking your phone “to keep you safe” or discouraging friendships “because they don’t have your best interests at heart.” These behaviours can escalate subtly over time, making it harder to pinpoint when the line was crossed.
For women in business, the impact can extend beyond personal relationships. Coercive control can undermine your confidence, affect decision-making, and leave you second-guessing yourself in professional settings. Recognising the signs and seeking support is the first step toward reclaiming your power.
Finding Support
If you or someone you know is experiencing coercive control, it’s important to seek help. Organisations like Women’s Aid and Refuge offer confidential support and resources. Legal protections are also improving; coercive control is recognised as a criminal offence in the UK, and increasing numbers of perpetrators are being held accountable.
Coercive control isn’t just about power—it’s about stripping away autonomy, confidence, and dignity. But with the right support, recovery is possible. Recognising the patterns and reaching out for help can set you on the path to regaining your independence and thriving, both personally and professionally.
Coercive control is a silent epidemic affecting thousands of women each year. By shedding light on its signs and impacts, we can empower victims to break free and build lives of strength, resilience, and hope.
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Posted By Beverley Densham, Pilates,
26 November 2023
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1 who is the face behind the label?
I’m a completely single parent to my 18 year old son Sammy & proud of the parent I am. I have a deep love for the sea, plunging in the sea all year round, walking by the sea and in nature, sitting in nature to be, rest & journal, a passion of mine, love coffee shops, cosy family time at home & saunas on the beach!
2. What’s your Unique Selling Proposition (USP)?
Helping you reduce back pain to feel good, but it’s much more than that, the Mindfulness Pilates 121 programmes & classes include meditation, mindset, positive affirmations & 1 minute journaling, teaching you how to incorporate Pilates into your daily lifestyle & also to help with your mental health, wellbeing & happiness too.
The stress management teaching is for individuals & teams, whether that’s a law firm, corporate, teacher, school or nurse. The stress to calm tools are 1 minute each or 7 minutes in total, they are do-able & effective for stress management, better mental health & wellbeing.
I can help you…
Why?
Help you feel better. Help you move better and do more in your life. Even if you have health problems, chronic fatigue I can even help you with a sitting 121 or sitting class.
My classes are for ALL levels of fitness and even those struggling with their health & all ages
I give people their confidence back in their own bodies and minds.
If you can’t do something, it doesn’t matter, I will find you a comfortable alternative & teach you to say well done to what you can do, accept where you are & find a new quality of life
I ALWAYS adapt - make people feel special in class. This is important to me, love doing that for people. That’s gold for people
3. What time does your typical day start?
8am -2pm is the main teaching & meetings of the day, with 10 classes a week, business networking, writing books, radio & podcast interviews, articles to write.
I then go out to play, a walk in a park, a cappuccino & journaling time, see a friend for a plunge in the sea or something to get moving & rest.
Then back to work lying down with the laptop! Sometimes another interview
4. Full English or yoghurt and muesli?
It’s a pack of celery juiced! Followed by chocolate porridge & blueberries
5. What drives you?
There is a spark of inspiration and determination which drives me & am constantly learning & researching different ways & new tools to help with mental health & happiness. I like designing things to help with making a difference to your wellbeing, physical, mental health & happiness, which of course is for the soul & family life, work & having a harmonious home is of paramount importance.
If I can bring some extra sparkle and happiness to someone’s day and help reduce some of their aches & pains that’s a good day.
My son Sammy drives me too, to be the best Mum & role model I can be for him too
To be a role model, practicing what I teach.
6. What are you most proud of in your business?
That after over 25 years of teaching that I’m more inspired than ever & that it’s a more rich & profound experience working with me now, you’ll gain multiple benefits. I was so proud of book 1, book 2 I talk to angels was so proud, like a Wimbledon Trophy seeing it in a bookshop & Waterstones for the first time, exciting becoming a published Author & having a team, I jumped for JOY. Olympic champion Dame Kelly Holmes writing the foreword to the book was amazing too.
To have helped many clients become pain free or reduce their pains & live better quality of life
To be following my guidance & inspiration with the next series of books am very proud, it’s been so tough but now living a dream lifestyle & come through the light at the end of the tunnel. With mental health it can be a dark tunnel at times and my wish is our books the stress to calm series help many with their mental health, wellbeing & stress management at home & work, life doesn’t have to be as tough, try our stress to calm tools to feel & see the difference
So the next 3 books with my co-Author Janey Lee Grace are Stress to Calm in 7 minutes for Lawyers, then for teachers & nurses too…..
7. What bit of advice would you give your younger self starting out?
Do not get married, ask for help, say when somethings wrong, do not be a workaholic. Read divorcing a narcissist.
8. What brings you to be doing what you’re doing today?
After studying for a degree in Sports Science at the University of Brighton, travelled the world, in Bondi Beach, Sydney discovered Pilates exercise after suffering from back pain. It helped. Then after a major road traffic accident in Cairns, Northern Queensland, had an operation & mental health recovery & re-habilitated from the operation, then trained in London to teach Pilates & had a successful six figure business and two Pilates in person studios for 16 years in Hertfordshire and helped hundreds of clients. After the rock bottom of divorce & childbirth (nearly died). Was brave, set a goal to re-locate to Dorset & started from scratch, now teach on zoom successfully with clients gaining the same benefits.
12. Perfectionist?
I try my best.
13. If your business was a song what would it be?
Definitely chariots of fire 🔥
14. What would you like people to say about your brand when they recommend it to friends?
It’s worth it, wish they’d started younger, that yes it helps their aches & pains but it also improves the quality of life, mental health and happiness, they LOVE coming along & willing to practice daily too the tools, so they are self empowered too.
15. A gift for you:
Try a free Mindfulness Pilates taster class with me (in exchange for a testimonial) on zoom, book in here https://www.pilatestofeelgood.com/mindfulness-pilates-taster-class would love to teach, look after & inspire you
Feel stronger, happy & calm
Love Bev
Beverley Densham
Mindfulness Pilates teacher & Author
www.mindfulnessPilates.com
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Posted By Maryanne Taylor, Founder and Sleep Consultant,
03 August 2023
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You've meticulously researched, planned every detail, and eagerly awaited your upcoming adventure. The 'out of office' sign is up, the packing ordeal is behind you, and you've finally arrived at your holiday destination.
And out of the blue, an overwhelming wave of exhaustion crashes over you.
Sound familiar?
Welcome to the enigmatic world of Holiday Fatigue – where relaxation and weariness seem to intertwine in the most unexpected ways. Let's delve into this phenomenon and uncover strategies to reignite your energy levels to maximise your holiday enjoyment.
🌴 Release and Renewal:
For so long, you've been multitasking, juggling all your responsibilities, keeping those balls in the air. As you step into your well-deserved break, the chance to put those balls aside emerges.
Your body seizes this opportunity to unwind, releasing stored-up stress. The intriguing result? A curious surge of fatigue that forces you to stop.
⚡ The Adrenaline Shift:
Your body has been a powerhouse, fueled by adrenaline to conquer life's challenges. But then, the holiday rhythm arrives, and as the adrenaline gradually reduces, relaxation sets in which results in unexpected fatigue. This might just be your body's way of urging you to finally catch up on that much-needed rest.
🛫 Changes in Routine: Traveling disrupts your regular routine – from sleep patterns to meal times.
Your body's internal clock (circadian rhythm) can get thrown off balance, leading to fatigue as your body adjusts to the new schedule.
🌍 Change in Environment:
While holidays are meant to be enjoyable, being in a new environment can also be mentally draining as you navigate unfamiliar surroundings and make decisions about what to do and where to go.
So how to help yourself so you don't feel like you are losing precious holiday time feeling like a zombie? Here are some suggested strategies to handle this …
Adapt the itinerary:
Balance sightseeing and activities with time to rest and recharge. Try to avoid over-scheduling which can end up being more stressful and take away from some of the enjoyment.
Time Zone Awareness: If traveling across time zones, plan an easy and less demanding schedule for the first day to acclimatise.
Scheduled Breaks: Incorporate short breaks during outings. Find a quiet spot to sit, close your eyes, and recharge.
Post-Holiday Buffer:
Plan a buffer day before returning to work. This provides extra time to unwind and transition gradually back to your routine.
Remember, the goal is to create a holiday that rejuvenates rather than exhausts. By proactively adapting your plans to accommodate holiday fatigue, you can ensure a more revitalising and fulfilling travel experience.
Tell me in the comments how you will be incorporating downtime into your summer plans.
Tags:
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Posted By Abbie Akinfenwa, Virtual Assistant,
08 November 2021
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Recharge Yourself and You’ll Recharge Your Business
We all know it makes sense to look after yourself and if you’re a business owner then even more so – we can imagine you nodding as you read this. But when you’re busy and your customers need you to deliver, you will work all hours to keep them happy and loyal. Good intentions fly out of the window and the next thing you know is that you’re exhausted and becoming less and less effective. Working yourself ragged is only sustainable for so long and eventually it will catch up with you one way or another.
It used to be that an annual holiday was seen as the solution to resolve all the stress of 11 months and then you’d come back and throw yourself into it all over again. So what to do?
The shift has been towards making balanced wellbeing a priority for every day alongside your other commitments. It’s no longer about heading for the gym and thrashing away for an hour. We’re talking about a holistic approach which covers all aspects of mental and physical health. There is a risk that it’s another time-consuming expense that becomes easy to drop once the initial enthusiasm wanes. Through trial and many errors (ours and others) we have learnt that baby steps work best so good new habits become a natural part of your day.
Here are few pointers on aspects of lifestyle to think about and see if you can make a few micro-adjustments which can turn into a big difference.
Sleep
Go to bed earlier and get up earlier. Those early hours when others are just stirring are a perfect time to take stock of the day and get so much underway. There is an efficiency in early day action that just can’t be beaten. It gives you clarity for the day ahead and makes it simpler to stop work at a reasonable time and have a personal life too.
Exercise outdoors
We say outdoors because fresh air and changing seasons makes a much more interesting backdrop to exercise than an air-cooled gym. Also the outdoors is on your doorstep, so you start the moment you step out of the door. If you can’t stand the idea of couch to 5k then there is already Stroll to Stride 5k which is so much easier on your knees.
Eat well
Think 80:20. If you’re eating well 80% of the time, the odd croissant is just an extra layer in the joy of eating. Eating well means simple foods as close to original state as possible, keep the sugar to minimum (that includes booze which is also full of sugar). Keep it fast, simple and easy with loads of vegetables in all the colours you can find (stir fries, four-minute egg noodles etc), because if it’s too complicated the lure of heat-up meals in plastic boxes will be hard to resist.
Turn wine into water
Drinking is great when you’re having a party but not when it’s become an everyday event designed to switch off your stress or help you sleep. It does the opposite in fact. So give your liver a break and at least make sure there’s one water-only day for every day when you’ve enjoyed a glass of wine. You’ll relish the clearer head – always good for business!
Look after your gut
Check out the supermarket shelves groaning with products full of live bacteria and probiotics and you’ll be aware that it’s a thing to look after your gut. It is even being called a second brain – we all know the phrase about your gut telling you something. If your gut is in bad shape it will disrupt your day and make you miserable, so it’s worth taking all the steps that will keep it in good shape - good sleep, exercise, good food and reduce stress etc.
Bring in help with work and with your home
We would say this because it’s our job to help people who are too busy and getting clogged up with work. However when you get help even with just one task it makes an enormous difference. Book that cleaner and while you’re at it ask us how a VA could storm through that mountain of paperwork that’s holding you back.
We as Virtual Assistants are as guilty as the rest about not holding on to good habits. So we’ll be making a commitment to our community of Pink Spaghetti Virtual Assistants and our clients to look after ourselves a bit better from now on too.
And if you’d like to find out more about I can help, I'm ready to answer all your questions. Why not contact me - abbie@pink-spaghetti.co.uk, or visit our website to discuss how my experienced virtual PA service can support your business and give you back more of your time.
Photocredit: Canva Dec 2021
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