Are you a good listener? Do you feel heard?

Most of us are probably a mixture of being on the receiving end of poor listening and also at times the perpetrator.

I became very aware some time ago that I wasn't being heard, that people weren't listening to me. In fact, I started to write poems about it and it was those poems that reflected how distressing it can be when it seems that no one is willing to give you space and attention to explain something or to recount an event.

For example. It might be how you're feeling about something that happened or was said, or it might be as simple as how you like your egg to be boiled or when the thing you asked to be added to the shopping list just somehow got left off. It may not sound like much but when it happens frequently It can have quite an impact.

Waiting To Talk

I have a friend whom I have known for years. We recently had a conversation where I told her some long-awaited good news about my son. Instead of expressing interest she ‘topped’ my news by immediately recounting something about her son in great detail. Of course, she then went on to tell me every aspect of how her son had done it quicker and better, and, needless to say, we never got back to my son and his story.

That was not the first time.

This friend is a major culprit in the not listening stakes, and it makes me not want to tell her anything because she seems to not be interested; it’s as if everything is turned into a competition – my dad’s bigger than your dad kind of thing.

And what about ‘mansplaining’?

That is butting in and taking over. This is not exclusive to men, by the way! For an example that might be familiar, perhaps you have heard something on the news and started to tell someone about it. But, instead of listening to you, they take over the conversation by ‘man-splaining’ the same thing back to you in great detail.

You have to wait until they’ve finished before you can make your point or complete your sentence.

And how about ‘heated agreement’

Lengthy arguments where you are both saying the same thing but expressing it differently and neither of you is listening, so that sounds as if you are arguing different points of view. Once you get into those discussions it’s hard to stay calm. They’re unnecessary and exhausting! In my opinion, listening is an essential tool for all of us. In essence, effective listening is all about communicating successfully.

Relationship Breakdowns

Poor communication is responsible for many break-ups and misunderstandings, both in the world of business and in personal life.

In business, you want to be able to truly listen to your customers or clients, and I think it is fair to say that the happiest customers are those who feel they have been heard and understood by you and that you have then delivered what they wanted, when they wanted it and how they wanted it.

So, listening effectively can be a big factor in customer satisfaction as well as good relationships with the important people in your personal life.

What is it that stops us listening?

The list is long! It includes daydreaming, wanting to find solutions, and interrupting, to name just a few. We're not necessarily talking here about a good or a bad thing but are simply getting to understand how blocks get in the way of effective listening and, therefore, communication.

If you’d like to know more about how to listen effectively and get heard, please check out my website www.mindshiftcoaching.org, or email me on judy.hoskins@gmail.com.

Photo credit Canva April 2022